Prince Charming?

I believe it's time to discuss the moment when my heart truly shattered, the time I was, or at least believed I was, genuinely in love and ready to give everything. It took me several years to move on from him, and I won't deny that I occasionally questioned if I could have acted differently. However, in the end, everything falls into place. Life has a way of teaching and helping you grow, guiding you toward your true destiny.

In romantic movies and books, I often encountered depictions of a broken heart, where characters experienced profound emptiness, felt as if there was a gaping hole in their stomach, wanted to vanish, and cried endlessly in solitude. I once thought these portrayals were exaggerated, but then he entered my life and left, and I experienced all those symptoms firsthand. I realized they were completely genuine.

I once held myself responsible for what happened, believing I wasn't clever enough to keep him with me and that I wasn't deserving of him. However, as time passed and I healed, I understood that I simply wasn't the right person for him. Regardless of anything I did, he was destined to leave because he had different goals and dreams. Over the years, with therapy, I also realized that I needed to learn how to love myself and avoid falling for people who aren't good for me, even though I thought he was at the time.

I kept reliving all the joyful times in my mind, as well as the moment he changed. He pulled away but didn't end things; he just distanced himself without giving me any explanation. I suppose that's why it was so difficult for me to move on—so incredibly hard. Yes, I believe much of my pain stemmed from not knowing. I think he was trying not to hurt me, but his silence made it worse.

Remember that my initial "love" experience involved a guy from my hometown who didn't treat me well, and I tolerated things that contradicted my values. Then, along came this wonderful man who treated me properly, made me laugh, cared about me, and made me feel special. Naturally, I was head over heels in love. What I didn't realize at the time was that I relied on him to validate my worth, something I should have done for myself.

This story dates back to 2008, during my first contract on a cruise ship, where he was also a new hire. Initially, I didn't really like him, but then something changed. Something happened that made me incredibly happy, like I was flying. I now realize that he paid attention to me when I felt lost. His attention made me feel good, and I clung to it. After feeling worthless with "The Wolf," he became my hope, showing me there was more to life.

Our experience only lasted 2 months, and I understand that people who haven't worked on cruise ships might think that 2 months isn't enough to feel the way I did. However, time on ships flows differently. Onboard, you spend so much time together that it forms incredible, quick, and genuine bonds. Two of my closest friends are from cruise ships, and I have other friends where, even as time passes, meeting them again feels like no time has passed at all. It's strange but truly amazing.

We were together for just 2 months, but it took me several years to move on from him, or rather, the idea of him. I believed that if I fought hard enough, I could win him back. However, as people often say, the more you try to hold on, the more it hurts and the more you push others away. I craved validation, I wanted to feel that connection again, and I needed to know that I was worthy and deserving of love.

Reflecting on this now saddens me, as therapy has helped me understand that he wasn't my true love. While he did make me feel special, it wasn't love; it was my quest for validation. Sadly, it took years, many tears, and therapy for me to accept myself, embrace my past, recognize that some things weren't my fault, and realize I deserved someone who would be proud of me, wouldn't hide me or flee, and that I was meant to be pursued, not to follow.

The year 2020 was about staying home, slowing down, and focusing on self-improvement and self-care. I'm grateful for this time because it helped me understand what I deserve. However, I must admit that I was initially hesitant to love deeply, fearing disappointment due to the intensity of my feelings. Fortunately, four years ago, I chose to take a risk and make a change, and it has been rewarding. The love I have now has taught me what true love is—it's a journey of mutual effort, understanding, adapting, and not fleeing at the first sign of conflict or disagreement.

If you're searching for love or feeling apprehensive about it, it's essential to recognize that, as far as we know, we only have one life to live. This realization can be both liberating and daunting. Embracing this truth means allowing yourself the freedom to explore the depths of your emotions, the intricacies of relationships, and the vast possibilities that love can bring. It's a journey that can be filled with both joy and challenges, but it is a journey worth taking.

In your quest for love, remember that any feelings of apprehension you may have are completely valid. Love can be a complex and sometimes overwhelming experience, and it's important to acknowledge that fear does not make you weak; it makes you human. Embrace your feelings, and allow yourself to feel vulnerable. It's through this vulnerability that authentic connections can be formed.

Furthermore, it’s crucial to remind yourself that your past experiences, whether they were filled with heartbreak or disappointment, are not your fault. Life often presents us with challenges that can lead us to build emotional walls as a means of protection. However, isolating yourself behind these walls can prevent you from experiencing the beauty of love and connection that awaits you. Instead of shutting yourself off, consider the possibility of opening up, even just a little.

Continue to dream about the love you desire. Visualize the kind of relationship that excites you, the partner who complements you, and the shared experiences that fill your heart with joy. These dreams are not mere fantasies; they are the seeds of what you can manifest in your life.

In this journey, it is also vital to learn to love yourself. Self-love is not just a buzzword; it is a foundational aspect of finding and nurturing healthy relationships. Be gentle with yourself, recognizing that you are worthy of love and respect, both from yourself and from others. This means treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and compassion, especially during difficult times.

Moreover, do not settle for less than you deserve. You are not meant to live on the crumbs of affection or to accept anything that diminishes your worth. Instead, strive for relationships that uplift you, challenge you to grow, and inspire you to be the best version of yourself. Remember, you deserve a love that is abundant, fulfilling, and mutual.

In conclusion, as you navigate the often tumultuous waters of love, keep these principles close to your heart. Embrace life fully, explore your emotions, and never shy away from the possibility of love. With each step, continue to dream big and love yourself fiercely, for you are deserving of a beautiful and enriching love story.

Additionally, love isn't just about being with someone; it also encompasses love for yourself, your family, and your friends. So, continue dreaming and conquer your fears.