Notes from the Edge of the Well: Buried Thoughts & The Four Agreements

Each time I sit down to write, I notice a familiar pattern: as I search for inspiration, I become more sentimental. This process pulls me into deeper introspection, prompting me to examine the well of ideas and emotions that reside within me. Often, I realize that I have discarded many of these feelings, convincing myself that everything will eventually be alright. I have developed a habit of throwing my emotions into this internal well, believing that is where they belong, perhaps because I suspect I am simply seeking drama. I question the importance of making a fuss over what I feel or think, and I frequently doubt whether my feelings are valid or if I am just exaggerating insignificant matters.

The reality is that I have always experienced my emotions intensely. In the past, I would openly express what I was feeling and thinking, but over time, I was made to feel that my reactions were wrong—that I was creating unnecessary drama and that my feelings were unjustified. This led me to question why I would internalize everything and wonder if my experiences were shaped by the way I was treated by others.

At a certain point, I received advice to read "Los 4 acuerdos" by Don Miguel Ruiz, known in English as "The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom." After reading the book, I found that the agreement which resonated most with me was "Do not take anything personally." I recognize that I tend to take things personally, but I also wonder how one is supposed to react when confronted by someone else's actions—if someone pushes you, what should you think? Perhaps the other person should consider the third agreement, "Do not make assumptions." It is important not to assume that someone will understand your actions or feelings if you do not communicate them. I am not suggesting that everyone should share their entire life story, but it is important not to make others feel uncomfortable by leaving things unsaid.

This line of thinking can lead to a vicious cycle, bringing us back to the second agreement and its implications, hahaha.

In response to these dynamics, I sometimes choose to ask directly whether I have done something wrong or if there is something going on, especially since I know some people prefer not to express themselves openly. However, the responses I receive are often dismissive, such as "Why do you always take everything so personal?" or "There she goes again making drama."

As a result, I try to set my feelings aside, casting them into that internal well and reassuring myself that everything is okay, even when I am aware that there are unresolved issues in my mind.

For now, I will continue living my life and sorting through my thoughts, hoping that the well is deep enough to contain my emotions and that it does not overflow.